It's Time To Stop Saying Maybe
Oh, the complexity of the word maybe. If you’ve ever seen the show How I Met Your Mother you might remember the episode about Ted being kept “on the hook”. Whenever I think of saying maybe to something or someone, I can’t help but think of that episode. If you aren’t familiar, this particular paramour has essentially said maybe, over and over again, to Ted. She won’t say yes, she won’t say no. And it leaves him confused and sad and hopeful all at the same time. And guess what? It ultimately doesn’t work out.
The thing is, saying maybe is…easy! We most often say it when we are hesitant to say no. Perhaps it’s because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, or we don’t know how to uphold our own boundaries, or we just don’t want to bother making a decision.
It’s important to remember what it feels like to be on the receiving end of a “maybe”. Let’s say you’re planning a party, and you need to determine the amount of food you are going to purchase. The yes’s and no’s make it easy, but the maybe’s make us wonder. Will they ultimately come? Probably not, but what if they do? I imagine many of you know exactly the feeling I’m talking about. And if you’re like me, you might feel a bit of a sting when you receive a no - that is a natural feeling too. But still, I’m here to tell you that it’s better than a maybe.
So, here’s what I want us to do. On your next invite or ask or decision, as yourself this. Is this a “HELL YES!” kind of yes? Then say YES. If it’s an “eh” or an “I’m really not sure, but probably not” or a “No, but I don’t want to make them feel bad” or “I so wish I could, but I can’t.” Say NO. You are most welcome to share your context around the no if it feels right, but the most important thing to do, is to say no. Not maybe.
To be sure, getting into the habit and practice of saying either yes or no is hard. It can be feel uncomfortable, yet it’s important on so many levels. Here are my two favorite reasons:
it makes you feel sure that you are doing what feels good to you - and with extremely limited time in this life, we only have time for saying absolutely yes to the many things that are asked of us on a daily basis.
It ultimately helps the person who is asking for something. While it can feel awkward or uncomfortable or sad, it’s actually unfair to the other person to keep them “on the hook” by saying maybe.
Now, of course there are going to be situations where a maybe is necessary. As I manage my own surgery recovery, there are certain things that I really hope I can do later this summer. And, if I genuinely want to do them, I will tell that person that I am a “Yes-Leaning Maybe”. I’ll have a conversation around the why of my maybe and I’ll share a timeline for when I’ll let them know for sure.
So here’s my call to action: pay attention to when you say yes and no, and push yourself to think about why you want to say maybe. And then, make yourself choose. It will get easier with time. As always, practice makes progress.
