Reflections for a New Year
I have attempted to sit down and write oh so many times over oh so many months. While usually the words flow quickly and easily, gushing from me, just waiting to find their way to paper - these past few months have been different. Writing an instagram post seems like it requires far too much amount of effort, let alone a blog post, newsletter, or the second season of my podcast. As I have come to realize in the past few weeks, I found myself at the end of 2024 utterly burnt out. Between a demanding full-time job with a fair amount of travel, full-time graduate school, a clinical internship with lots of therapy clients, a number of 1:1 coaching clients, leading and facilitating a mom’s group, writing for other blogs, and of course - raising two small humans - I found myself utterly spent by the end of the year. In addition to all of the busyness there were the ups and downs that are part of life in 2024 - my then four-year old breaking her leg, the loss of my dear father-in-law, my own surgery (the second in as many years) - it was a lot. There were so many beautiful moments, too. Still, when you are experiencing utter burnout, it can be hard to remember those moments of joy amidst the sheer exhaustion.
With all of that in mind, I have taken the past couple of weeks to go inward. Okay - it’s been a handful of hours over the past couple of weeks, because I was also cheerily planning a magical Christmas for my children, but still. I found myself needing to pause. Needing to lower the pressure valve. Needing to let some things go. When I found myself the day after Christmas nearly throwing my tree out the front door (lights, ornaments, and all), I knew that a shift was about to occur. I still had to do a lot, but I knew I had to do what Katherine May so beautifully illustrated in a recent book. I had to begin to winter.
The premise of wintering is simple - we must find time to rest and retreat during difficult times. The season I am in is demanding. And it’s also exciting, meaningful, joyful, challenging, and beautiful. So much is happening, and I am exactly where I need to be - and just about where I want to be. Still - I did not let myself create space for rest in 2024. When I found myself reminiscing about the months following a major hip surgery two years ago, I knew that something had to change going into 2025.
For those who know me well, I am not one to say what the best way to bring in a New Year is. I am a big fan of doing what works for you - whether that’s setting goals, creating resolutions, or doing absolutely nothing. For me, I choose two words each year, which become my theme for the year ahead.
This year, I choose ease and evolve. I am in my very hungry caterpillar era. I have been expanding and expanding, and I need a moment to allow myself to find my way into my chrysalis. I need to spend some time there. And, I know that when I find myself ready to come out - it might take a bit to dry off my wings and rest a bit longer - but what’s coming soon after is going to be beautiful.
So for this year, I am turning to rest and ease. My schedule will not get any less demanding, but my relationship to it will change. I will be giving myself permission to rest. I will be taking small steps each day to find more ease in all of the elements of my life. I will write more, and without the pressure that comes with setting goals around my writing. I will read more, and am excited to test out StoryGraph this year. I will continue to hone and improve my organizational systems that enable me to clear space for what’s important. I will go on more date nights. I will put down my phone when I am with my kids. I might even try the process of Swedish Death Cleaning. I will find ease. And I will allow myself to rest enough so that I can evolve.
