The Values That Truly Matter This Season
Every once in a while, I like to look back at blog posts I have written in the past and update them to meet my current moment. The following is a slightly edited version of one I wrote back in 2017 that feels as relevant as ever.
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If you know me, it is no secret that I love the holidays. I start listening to Christmas music once the clock strikes midnight on Halloween, the decorations begin to go up soon after, and then it’s all about cherishing every cozy and festive moment. There is something about the season that makes me feel a little more alive, and it’s a feeling that I try to hold on to for the entire year. Last week I was reflecting on what I wanted to focus most on this season, and four things came to mind: being kind, generous, patient, and gratitude. Of course, these are four values that I try to hold close all year long, but I think they deserve special attention this time of year.
Be Kind
I recently had to look up the definition of kindness, to make sure I was understanding it correctly – since I talk and write about it a lot. According to Oxford, it is “the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.” To me, kindness means turning towards one another, instead of away. It means stopping to say hello to someone, even if you’re in a rush. It means inviting someone you don’t agree with (politically or otherwise) to your holiday party, knowing that you’ll both be better for it. It takes practice to be kind, but the more we practice, the better we get. And, unsurprisingly, the kinder we are to others, the kinder they’ll be to us. Kindness is about making others feel good, and welcome, and loved. It’s about making people feel like a part of the community, no matter how big or small. It’s about putting others before ourselves. As the great Maya Angelou says, “People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.”
Be Generous
Generosity is often thought of in terms of giving money or gifts, which while an important part (if you are so fortunate to be able to do so), is not the only part of generosity that matters. Generosity means giving your time and energy to those around you – whether your family, friends, or the people your favorite nonprofit serves. It means giving $1 every time you pass by a Salvation Army Santa – and sometimes giving $5. It means making your neighbors a holiday treat that they can enjoy with their family. It means donating your money or time to great nonprofit organizations that are doing incredible work in communities near and far – and not just on Giving Tuesday. It means spending the time to create or buy the perfect present for everyone close to you (and I emphasize create, because gifts don’t need to cost money). This season, try to give every single day – a smile, a donation, a hug, your time, whatever it is. And don’t forget to be generous to yourself – take that extended yoga class, book a massage, create space to meditate, and be okay when you can’t give to others as much as you would like. Generosity of spirit matters most of all, so just give your love to everyone around you.
Be Patient
Ah, patience. How little most of us have, and how much most of us need. I can’t help but share another definition here. According to Dictionary.com, patience is “bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc. with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, and the like.” This might not be the most technical definition, but I think it captures it well. Patience is hard, especially around the holidays when we are rushing around trying to get everything done. I’ll offer an example: if you have ever stood in line at the Post Office around the holidays, your patience has been tested. We stand in line, annoyed that it’s taking too long, thinking that the people behind the partition are purposefully trying to go slow and ruin our holiday. Stop and think about that for a minute. Is that really possible? No, probably not. To practice patience, stop and put yourself in someone else’s shoes for a moment. The postal worker is not trying to slow down your day, they are trying to get your packages to loved ones as quickly as they can (and doing the same for millions of others). And think about what it’s like for them, day in and day out, to be shouted at or complained to, by person after person after person. I know it would be hard for me to be my energetic and kind self. So this season, when someone takes your parking space at the mall, or goes slowly in the check-out line at the grocery store, or says something you don’t agree with at the Holiday table, take a moment and practice patience. Because we are going to be tested a lot, but the rewards of becoming more patient are immense.
Practice Gratitude (and keep perspective)
Many of us will be with our family or close friends for the first time in years, sharing and reminiscing with one another. For many, these will be beautiful moments. Still, many will continue to be alone, or suffering from a mental health condition, or grieving a loss. If you are able to partake in these special moments - you have permission to fully and thoroughly enjoy every moment. And, you are encouraged to reach out to others who might not be so lucky. Let us not forget how many people are suffering. The little things matter: write a letter to a friend who means a lot to you. Thank a mentor or a teacher from your childhood. Send a virtual note to your colleague letting them know what impact they have made on your work experience. You can have deep appreciation for where you are and what you have - just be sure to never turn away from those who have less. Let gratitude go beyond words, and turn into actions. This season, and always.
