The Most Important Feedback I've Ever Received

I went to a unique and wonderful New England prep school during my teenage years. One aspect that set it apart from many schools, was its “Work Job” program. Every student had to work four hours per week, no matter what. Whether you were doing prep in the kitchen, cleaning dorms, working on the farm, or something else, you had to complete your Work Job all year long.

While I had several jobs during my first year, I quickly settled in to my dream Work Job: serving as a tour guide. I loved guiding new families around campus, sharing stories about the history of the school, and answering questions. And, I was really good at it. The years went by, and I continued - I even spent many breaks and summers continuing to do this work. I loved it.

Now, unlike many Work Jobs, this was not a guaranteed placement - you had to continue to apply for it, making it all the more special and prestigious. Semester after semester though, I continued. Then, senior year came. I could tell that my passion was wavering just a bit, and it was starting to feel more like a job than it had been. Of course, I kept showing up, but I was getting…weary.

When I went to re-apply, the Director (an adult staff-member) sat me down.

“Your heart isn’t in this any more, Kate. It’s time to go.

To say I was crushed was an understatement. I had so many thoughts and feelings. On one level, I knew he was exactly right. My heart wasn’t in it anymore. But, I felt like I had to keep doing it. I had come so far, and had just one year left. I felt like a failure.

But the lesson was clear, for me. When my heart isn’t in something, I check out. Fast. To be sure, it is an privileged concept to even consider stopping doing something because your heart isn’t in it. Work is important, and most of us must always have a job to survive. But, that’s not the point of this story.

The point is, we know ourselves better than we think. I knew my heart was no longer in it, yet I did not want to admit it. I was living somewhere between my ego (I used to be really good at this, so can’t possibly be untrue), my commitment (I committed to this work, and I must see it through), and my inner knowing (I know it is time to go, and I also know that will create space for someone else). So, when someone else pointed out what I didn’t want to admit to myself? It hurt. For quite some time. And then I realized it was both a pathway and a lesson. It allowed me to leave, and it showed me that my inner knowing must be listened to.

To this day, I am grateful for this lesson, and think about it often. I can now quickly pinpoint something that is no longer working. I am human, so at times must still battle my ego and my tendency to stick with anything I commit to - but when I let go, and let my heart guide me, I always do what’s in my highest good.